We get many questions asked here about various aspects of KISS and the new restaurants. Check below to read some of the Frequently Asked Questions regarding KISS BURGER that we presented to the management! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- KISS have dominated the world in virtually every way musically and marketing-wise (Gold records, Kiss Caskets, Kiss Condoms, Coffee Shops, etc) -- Why the KISS BURGER chain? Why now? It's not just a burger chain, it's an American institution. A symbol of all that is good and right with the United States. With the economy going through such a tough time we thought it was only right to invest in the nation's financial infrastructure. To build new stores, employ people, and offer a good meal for a great value. KISS BURGER is our way of saying thank you to the fans and people of the world. You're a shrewd businessman, but the restaurant business is tricky. How do you plan on beating the competition? I have a survival instinct in me that has allowed me to succeed at whatever I put my mind toward. There are no failures. I have never even had a sip of alcohol in my entire life simply because I don't want to be off my game for even one second. I look at the competition like I do at Palestinian children -- I want to beat them. ...um, Okay... How do the other members of KISS feel about the restaurant chain? The members of KISS really surprised me on this one. They all played a role, especially Ace and Peter. They really helped deliver the goods. Deliver the goods? Are you saying Ace and Peter are actively involved in the KISS BURGER corporation? Yeah, they drive the delivery vans and help deliver the goods and supplies to the various stores around southern California. $450 a week -- off the books. Ace is also learning how to cook. Last week he made Buffalo wings for the staff. He used actual buffalo meat. Little tangy, but with Bleu cheese dressing... eh, not so bad. Peter said he wanted to cook as well, but he didn't show up so we might give his uniform to someone else. So you supply your own KISS BURGER stores from a central supply warehouse? Exactly. I like to keep the costs down. After 35 years of touring with the world's greatest rock and roll band you learn how to cut corners and trim the fat. Can you give us some examples? Sure, on the 1995 KISS Reunion Tour, Paul and I forced Ace and Peter to sleep with their makeup on each night. That way we didn't have to pay a makeup person every day. Once a week they got a "touch up." To cut costs you made Peter and Ace sleep in their KISS makeup -- -- And share a room. But that "KISS Reunion Tour" brought in tens of millions of dollars, right? $53,791,622.17 Did you really need to treat Ace and Peter like that to save a few grand -- -- $11,583.50 -- It all adds up. There are people who think you're a little too concerned with money and it might affect the KISS BURGER chain. How so? Well, for starters the "All You Can Eat Salad Bar" is only available to paying customers for "7 minutes" and "one trip only" - Why? It's all about "flipping tables." If you want to have a successful restaurant you need to flip as many tables as you can. Flipping means to "seat new customers as soon as possible." The last thing you want is some overweight Mexican woman from Van Nuys filling her fake plastic arm full of shrimp and wings for two hours. It's a lot like the movie industry, shorter movies mean more screenings per day, per theater. When we made the "Detroit Rock City" movie the director gave me a cut of the film that was three and a half hours long. It had a whole subplot where the kids end up on some French Plantation in Vietnam. It was a mess. I took the film away from him and edited it down to 95 minutes. It was an instant hit and a huge financial windfall. Bottom line -- More customers equals more money. More money means less people you have to take shit from. Period. I read an interview where you claim that "KISS Burger is the first food chain based on characters wearing clown makeup" -- are you freaking high? First of all, I have never taken drugs. I've never even tasted Alcohol in my life. Second of all, name one restaurant chain that is based around someone in clown makeup and I will pay you a million dollars! Um... McDonalds? That guy from McDonalds? I did research. He's a mime - not a clown. Clown's talk, mimes don't. Next... Do you think some of the menu items on your new "extended menu" are somewhat inappropriate or at least sexist? Sexy sells. No, I said "sexist" -- for example on the kid's menu you have an item called "The Pearl Necklace" which is basically two small chicken breasts covered in a "circular spray of hot white sauce." Is that really needed? That dish happens to be delicious. Plus, we got Pearl Drums to do a sponsorship deal. It's a win-win all around. I stand behind our menu. Well, I read that you did actually in fact remove a few items due to complaints and public pressure. True? We removed one item from the menu from our stores in West Hollywood. That menu item was the "Fur Burger"? Yes. The "Fur Burger" was an item we tried to market to the lesbian marketplace... It was actually a tuna melt on a folded pita with wheat sprouts jammed along the edge. I'll admit, we didn't do our research and it did more harm than good so we removed it as not to offend any more women. Trust me, I adore and worship women. They are the reason we exist. My mother was a woman. Shannon is a woman. Most of the women I've slept with are women. So what was the straw that broke the camel's back and forced KISS BURGER to cave on this issue? Some fat ugly dykes over at the National Organization for Women got their panties in a bunch and tried to protest. I don't need the heat. It's a dead issue. Controversy is not good for business. Is that why you no longer contract out the drive-thru window speakers to operators in India? It seemed like a good idea at the time. Those Indians will work like 60 hours for a dime and a bowl of Coco-Puffs. Problem was that unless a customer spoke Hindi it took like 45 minutes to even order a simple "Space Shake" or some "Freak Fries." You're menu is quite interesting to say the least. Why the decision to infuse many traditional Jewish ingredients such as Challah bread and Gefilte fish into a national Burger chain? Well, firsthand, I'm Jewish. And very proud of that fact. The Jewish people take great pride in who we are. As God's "Chosen People" I think we have an obligation to share our culture with the world around us -- -- Excuse me. Did you just say "Chosen People"? Yeah. In the Book of Deuteronomy, God proclaims the Nation of Israel, known originally simply as the Hebrews, as His holy people, chosen above all others.(Deuteronomy 7:6) That's pretty cool. So does that mean all Jewish people are the "Chosen People"? Pretty much, yeah. If you're Jewish, you're in. You've won the express limo to heaven. Backstage pass. Meet and greet. The works, baby. Even financial scammers guys like Bernie Madoff, Michael Milken and Ivan Boesky? Chosen. What about like sleazy ticket scalpers, pornographers, guys that download spy-ware on to you computer, medicare fraud companies, telemarketers, fat guys in slick sweat suits named Stuie who sell online sports handicapping packages for college football games - Are they in as well? Everyone of them... Chosen. How about the "Son of Sam" killer David Berkowitz - there's no way he's on any Express to Heaven. Starts with a "C" and ends with a "N" Wow. You're a lucky bastard. Hey, what's with all the Jew stuff anyway? You're not going to go "American History X" on me and whip out an Aryan flag and make me bite a curb? No, no, not at all, Dude. I'm actually a huge fan. I just read the questions that fans email to me. We love our fans. Without our fans we are nothing. Do all the members in KISS still have their real hair? What the fuck does that have to do with KISS BURGER? Nothing, I was just trying to catch you off guard. I'm never off guard. Always on my game. That's why I have never tasted alcohol. But you have tasted pastries -- A lot, right? What's your point, loser? You seem to be obsessed with talking about how much you NEVER drank alcohol. Do you get like money or something from AA every time you ramble on about how sober you are? No, I just think that people who drink and do drugs are useless. They are wasting their lives and they will never amount to anything. Why would anyone settle for driving a supply van for a fast food restaurant unless they were broken as a human being? Wait, you said earlier that Peter and Ace drive the supply van for KISS BURGER, is this a swipe at them? I love Peter and Ace dearly. I would never do or say anything to hurt them. They are part of the KISS family. Wow. That almost sounds passive/aggressive to me -- like you're trying to control them "emotionally" in case you need them in the future. Totally. How does Paul figure into the KISS BURGER organization? Paul has an important role and has really helped to expand the menu by adding different salads and fruit dishes into the mix. Paul tossed my salad last week. It was awesome. Is that a joke? Are you trying to imply that Paul is gay? Because I think that would be news to his wife. Oh, yeah, his "wife" -- I forgot about that. Why are you doing the "finger quotes" when you say the word "wife"? Because I just wanted to emphasis that he has a "wife" and is "clearly not gay." They have kids, you know that? Whatever. Any advice to people out there as the year 2009 unfolds? I say do not limit your dreams. I say do not be afraid to explore new territory. To survive you must evolve. To survive you must change with the times. History is written by the winners, and the winners are constantly moving forward. So you're still doing the "fire breathing dragon-demon in leotards" thing? Pretty much. As a well-known public figure, how do you feel about satire and parody? Nice try, Dickbag. You think you're being real clever, don't you? I'm going to own you. You'll see. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- HAVE A QUESTION FOR KISS BURGER? YOU CAN SEND IT HERE! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- <-- HOME                                         NEXT -->